I did it. I decided to go on OK Cupid and see if my luck might change by actually meeting and connecting with a polyamorous woman; someone I could possibly fall in love with and not have to worry about the consequences of her meeting someone else and dumping me for Mister Right. Well, I’m here to tell you that OKC’s matching algorithm works pretty well. I was surprised to find a number of like-minded women in my area with high matches and was pretty excited after I was contacted by one woman, who I’ll call Jenna.
Jenna explained to me that she was in a sixteen year marriage and that her and her husband had been poly for the last two years. We hit it off pretty well online and agreed to meet for coffee. Needless to say our coffee date was a hit and we were both keen to see each other again. It turns out that Jenna’s hubby was going to be out of town for a week and as I live a couple of hours away she suggested I come over for dinner and that I could stay the night in the spare room. My wife agreed that it sounded like an excellent idea and even packed the condoms for me, just in case. (She’s so sweet thinking of me like that). I checked again with Jenna that her husband was okay with me staying over and she assured me that he was fine with it and that they had discussed the possibilities if things progressed further into the evening.
I arrived around mid-afternoon and we parked ourselves on the veranda with some wine and settled into some deep conversation which carried on into the night. Time seemed to stand still as we became engrossed in each other’s stories and it was clear that our attraction and desire for physical contact was growing stronger by the minute. After much laughter and several wines Jenna confided to me that the spare room wasn’t really fit for a guest and asked me how I felt about sharing a bed with her. I can’t say that she needed to twist my arm and we enjoyed a blissful session of sensual massage and slow, sexual exploration before finally falling asleep in each other’s arms sometime in the wee, small hours of the morning.
We woke up realizing that we’d just taken our relationship to a new level and excited about the future.
Now, I have to say that I’ve never been hit by a bus before and I certainly didn’t see this one coming. Upon hearing the news of our successful date Jenna’s husband totally freaked as she joyfully recounted the details of our sexual adventure. He told her that while he had no problem with me visiting and had agreed that it was okay if we were to have sex, he had thought, (or perhaps hoped), that the chances of it happening were unlikely and had therefore not really considered how he might react otherwise. Let’s just say that he did not handle it at all well and Jenna was on the next available flight out of town to be with him and reassure him of her love and devotion to him.
Not exactly what I expected from a couple who’d apparently been poly for the last two years. During that time Jenna’s husband had slept with a handful of women, most of whom were Jenna’s friends that she had set him up with. These relationships were of a sexual nature with no real emotional attachment. Jenna had made various connections herself through OK Cupid but none of these relationships had developed into anything beyond close friendship…..until now.
For the next few days I heard little except for how well Jenna and her husband, Paul, had re-connected and how apparently happy he was for her……as long as she didn’t have sex with me! She gushed to me me how well he did compersion, (Google it, if you’re not sure what it means), and how much he was looking forward to meeting my wife and I. Was I somewhat confused? Yes.
The next week, Jenna and Paul were home and Annie & I drove up to meet them for dinner in the hope that we might put Paul’s fears to rest and Jenna and I could continue what had been a promising start to our relationship. As it turned out Paul was pretty nervous about meeting us and decided the best way to handle the situation was to get blind drunk. The night went from bad to worse as Paul interrogated me like a prime suspect in a murder case, all the while reminding me that he would decide when and if Jenna and I could resume intimate relations while unashamedly making inappropriate sexual advances to my wife who was clearly not interested in him. Needless to say Annie and I left feeling very disappointed and uncertain.
The next day Jenna called me to ask how I enjoyed the night. She thought it had been a huge success and was glowing in her appraisal of how well Paul was coming to terms with everything. I, of course, didn’t see it quite the same way and suggested we have some space so that the two of them could work things out. Jenna reluctantly agreed with the promise that Paul was going to be okay and it wouldn’t be long before we could start seeing each other again.
Okay, can you see where this is heading? Straight down the road to a re-kindled marriage for Jenna and Paul with your’s truly left out in the cold scratching his head in bewilderment. Yep, it seems these guys weren’t really a polyamorous couple at all but a couple in the midst of a troubled marriage. She had felt ignored by her husband and that her feelings were not being met. She felt that by encouraging him to satisfy his sexual desires elsewhere then that would give her a clean conscience about pursuing other relationships. It turns out that all she really wanted was to feel loved and desired by her husband and when he was confronted with the thought of another man satisfying his wife it was as if a bomb had been put underneath him and suddenly he became the husband she had wanted him to be all along. She informed me that their relationship was better than ever and that she didn’t want to continue seeing me. Hmmm, seems like I’d done my job. Me to the rescue. Yay for me! I guess there’s at least a happy ending for someone in this story, eh? 😉
P.S. To those that have subscribed to this blog, my apologies for not posting regularly. This post is, in fact, over a year old and I found it in my drafts. Much has happened since and I promise I will do my very best to get some more content up very soon as there is much to share. 🙂