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We all love labels. It’s so easy if everyone is compartmentalized into easy-to-understand categories to make life easier for us all. So I was wondering where do I fit in? Which box do I tick to identify my authentic self and my true values and beliefs regarding my sexuality and relationship status? For example: heterosexual, gay, bi-sexual, monogamous, swinger, poly-amorous, etc.

We are all unique and often it’s difficult to pigeon-hole people into just one category. I’ve read a number of posts where polyamorists go to great lengths to distance themselves from swingers sometimes to the point of denigrating the other’s lifestyle choice. But can you be a swinger and poly at the same time? I would personally have a hard time choosing which box to tick here because for me the answer is “yes” to both. Pure, physical sexual pleasure without emotional connection is certainly possible and enjoyed by many in the swinging community including myself. I have also found myself in the situation where I have enjoyed a deep, intimate, physical and emotional connection with another person while maintaining my love for my primary partner. That connection was ongoing and grew into love without diminishing my feelings for my significant other.

I don’t want to be tied down by definitions. I’m still learning and exploring and opening myself up to the infinite possibilities that life offers. I’m fortunate to be married to a woman who loves me unconditionally and accepts me as I am and trusts in the depth of our love and commitment to one another.  Is one lifestyle superior to the other? Well, that’s like comparing partners too, isn’t it? They’re different. That’s all. Why do we have to choose? Allow yourself to feel and embrace whatever manifests itself sexually or emotionally.

There are other boxes that I struggle with also. My wife considers herself “straight” yet she has enjoyed intimate sexual relations with women while we’re swinging. From her point of view she has no desire to be in a relationship with a woman or harbors lesbian sexual fantasies yet is quite comfortable giving and receiving pleasure from another woman in a swinging situation. Therefore she does not consider herself to be bi-sexual. I, myself, have no desire or attraction to other men but have sometimes wondered what it might be like to feel or suck another man’s cock. I read somewhere that this is quite common among men and relates purely to the cock itself. That makes sense to me because I certainly don’t have any inclination whatsoever to explore even a sexual relationship with another man. Therefore, I consider myself to be neither gay or bis-sexual either.

This is just the beginning of an exciting journey for both of us. So far we both agree that instant sexual connections like we’ve made at swinging clubs are not all that satisfying for us and meeting people we are emotionally and physically attracted to with the promise of an ongoing relationship is more appealing. I’d say we’re probably leaning more towards poly-amorous but keeping an open mind.

Confused? Just enjoy the ride. 😉

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