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Posts Tagged ‘swinging’


We all love labels. It’s so easy if everyone is compartmentalized into easy-to-understand categories to make life easier for us all. So I was wondering where do I fit in? Which box do I tick to identify my authentic self and my true values and beliefs regarding my sexuality and relationship status? For example: heterosexual, gay, bi-sexual, monogamous, swinger, poly-amorous, etc.

We are all unique and often it’s difficult to pigeon-hole people into just one category. I’ve read a number of posts where polyamorists go to great lengths to distance themselves from swingers sometimes to the point of denigrating the other’s lifestyle choice. But can you be a swinger and poly at the same time? I would personally have a hard time choosing which box to tick here because for me the answer is “yes” to both. Pure, physical sexual pleasure without emotional connection is certainly possible and enjoyed by many in the swinging community including myself. I have also found myself in the situation where I have enjoyed a deep, intimate, physical and emotional connection with another person while maintaining my love for my primary partner. That connection was ongoing and grew into love without diminishing my feelings for my significant other.

I don’t want to be tied down by definitions. I’m still learning and exploring and opening myself up to the infinite possibilities that life offers. I’m fortunate to be married to a woman who loves me unconditionally and accepts me as I am and trusts in the depth of our love and commitment to one another.  Is one lifestyle superior to the other? Well, that’s like comparing partners too, isn’t it? They’re different. That’s all. Why do we have to choose? Allow yourself to feel and embrace whatever manifests itself sexually or emotionally.

There are other boxes that I struggle with also. My wife considers herself “straight” yet she has enjoyed intimate sexual relations with women while we’re swinging. From her point of view she has no desire to be in a relationship with a woman or harbors lesbian sexual fantasies yet is quite comfortable giving and receiving pleasure from another woman in a swinging situation. Therefore she does not consider herself to be bi-sexual. I, myself, have no desire or attraction to other men but have sometimes wondered what it might be like to feel or suck another man’s cock. I read somewhere that this is quite common among men and relates purely to the cock itself. That makes sense to me because I certainly don’t have any inclination whatsoever to explore even a sexual relationship with another man. Therefore, I consider myself to be neither gay or bis-sexual either.

This is just the beginning of an exciting journey for both of us. So far we both agree that instant sexual connections like we’ve made at swinging clubs are not all that satisfying for us and meeting people we are emotionally and physically attracted to with the promise of an ongoing relationship is more appealing. I’d say we’re probably leaning more towards poly-amorous but keeping an open mind.

Confused? Just enjoy the ride. 😉

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We talk about it. We think about it. It’s all around us every day in every way. Everywhere we turn we’re bombarded with sexual messages through various media and yet we’re somehow led to believe that sex is this sacred act of love shared only between two monogamous individuals. Forgive me if I find this a little confusing and somewhat contradictory.

I do agree that sex and love go together. It’s called ” making love”. But when you take love out of the equation it’s just sex. So what’s wrong with that? Nothing, in my opinion. Isn’t it time we all took sex a little less seriously and enjoyed it for what it is, a pleasurable physical act that can be shared with one or many or…….even alone. It’s just sex. What’s the big deal?

For years I wrestled with the guilt I felt for feeling sexually attracted to other women and even more so for entertaining elaborate fantasies. I always felt as if I was fighting nature. It made sense to me but didn’t fit at all with society’s views on sex. Like many I felt sexually repressed. This is a very unhealthy state indeed and I’m sure has a lot to do with the high rate of non-consensual sex and molestation.

It’s wonderful to feel sexually liberated and I am grateful to share my life with a woman who’s views mirror mine. We have played with other couples, single females, and I have played alone with a mutual friend with my wife’s blessing. She’s even hornier when I get home as the thought that I’ve just had sex with someone else gets her very turned on.

I’ve enjoyed watching her screaming with pleasure while being fucked by another man as much as she’s enjoyed giving me a shared blow job with her friend. If two people truly love each other then why would they want to deny the other any pleasure or fantasy they desired? Unfortunately, for all the people reading this who “get” where I’m coming from there will be just as many, if not more who will condemn me and find it all totally disgusting.

If everyone’s open and honest then why not? Everybody goes home with a smile on their face and no-one gets hurt. It’s just sex and sex is fun. Let’s all have a little fun, eh? 😉

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