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It’s Just Sex


We talk about it. We think about it. It’s all around us every day in every way. Everywhere we turn we’re bombarded with sexual messages through various media and yet we’re somehow led to believe that sex is this sacred act of love shared only between two monogamous individuals. Forgive me if I find this a little confusing and somewhat contradictory.

I do agree that sex and love go together. It’s called ” making love”. But when you take love out of the equation it’s just sex. So what’s wrong with that? Nothing, in my opinion. Isn’t it time we all took sex a little less seriously and enjoyed it for what it is, a pleasurable physical act that can be shared with one or many or…….even alone. It’s just sex. What’s the big deal?

For years I wrestled with the guilt I felt for feeling sexually attracted to other women and even more so for entertaining elaborate fantasies. I always felt as if I was fighting nature. It made sense to me but didn’t fit at all with society’s views on sex. Like many I felt sexually repressed. This is a very unhealthy state indeed and I’m sure has a lot to do with the high rate of non-consensual sex and molestation.

It’s wonderful to feel sexually liberated and I am grateful to share my life with a woman who’s views mirror mine. We have played with other couples, single females, and I have played alone with a mutual friend with my wife’s blessing. She’s even hornier when I get home as the thought that I’ve just had sex with someone else gets her very turned on.

I’ve enjoyed watching her screaming with pleasure while being fucked by another man as much as she’s enjoyed giving me a shared blow job with her friend. If two people truly love each other then why would they want to deny the other any pleasure or fantasy they desired? Unfortunately, for all the people reading this who “get” where I’m coming from there will be just as many, if not more who will condemn me and find it all totally disgusting.

If everyone’s open and honest then why not? Everybody goes home with a smile on their face and no-one gets hurt. It’s just sex and sex is fun. Let’s all have a little fun, eh? ūüėČ

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It’s great to be in love. It’s wonderful to feel the sexual attraction, enjoy the friendship and companionship and all the goodies that come with being in a relationship. But somewhere along the line things change, the road gets a little bumpy and before you know it the fun has diminished and it’s become more like hard work. Hey, I’ve been there. Somehow I managed to “work” my way through eighteen years of marriage before we both finally came to our senses and called it a day.

You’d think I might have learned something after all those years but nope, you guessed it, I went and threw myself head-first into another relationship blinded as I was by physical attraction and great sex. It wasn’t long before we were arguing about anything and everything and I was looking for the nearest exit. Her response was: “you need to work harder at it”. It was then that it really dawned on me. Hard work? Who says that relationships necessarily have to be hard work? Surely not. In any case, I wasn’t hanging around to find out whether she was right or not. I had my own theory. Love’s meant to be easy!

And so began my quest to find true unconditional love. I mean, did it really exist or was it really the stuff of¬†fairy tales? You see, what I’ve found in the past is that once you get through all the initial excitement and newness and things get serious everything changes. Suddenly you’re presented with a set of rules and conditions. Change this, change that. Don’t do this, don’t do that. Oh, and those female friends of yours on My Space…..get rid of them, now! Insecurity, jealousy, expectation. One day you wake up and¬†realize¬†that the fun has gone and if you really want to keep this thing going you’re going to have to roll up your sleeves and get your hands dirty.

I must admit I’ve never been a fan of hard work. That doesn’t make me a bad person. Slightly lazy, maybe? I just figured that there has to be another way. Surely I’m not the only person on the planet to feel this way. I must admit that I quite enjoyed my brief moment of “single-ness” after eighteen years of marriage. I discovered things about myself that I’d forgotten were in me. Passions that had long been buried. Freedom to think, feel and do whatever I wanted to. Wow! I didn’t resemble the married guy I used to be and I sure as hell didn’t want to lose him again.

So the question is this. Can you maintain your complete individuality and be in a committed relationship? I’m talking about total, unconditional acceptance of you as you are. Why not?

Well, I have news for you, folks. The answer is “yes”! I am now married to the most wonderful woman. We started as good friends and are now husband and wife. The difference is in our attitudes towards each other. We love each other totally and accept each other completely as we are. Neither of us have sought to change anything about the other. This is a second marriage for both of us and I think we both realize that life’s too short to waste it on fussing and fighting. The key ingredients are honesty, acceptance, and communication.

Before we decided to go down the marriage path again we laid everything out on the table. I mean everything. We both conveyed our life stories in detail to one another ensuring that there were no little surprises in store after we tied the knot, so to speak. We discovered some interesting revelations about one another that could certainly be perceived as “deal breakers”. She told me that she had been involved in the “swinging” scene with her previous husband and though apprehensive at the beginning had come to enjoy it and¬†harbored various fantasies involving group sex activities. As our relationship had been forged over a long distance I had developed strong feelings for a friend that I’d been seeing. These feelings had gone beyond friendship and we had been enjoying a sexual relationship. What I had noticed was that while these feelings were becoming stronger my feelings towards my future wife were in no way diminishing. I was confused. Could I possibly feel love for more than one person? Then I heard about polyamory and began to understand that this was, indeed, entirely possible.

So my wife wanted to swing and I was in love with two people. The important thing was that we were in love with each other. Love is love, not ownership. For the record, the “other woman” in this story was fully aware of my situation. We both believe in honesty and communication. We love and let live. We do things together and there are times when we both know that we need our own space. We don’t judge each other or attempt to impose restrictions on each other. The result is a beautiful marriage built on trust and honesty. We don’t keep secrets. There’s no need to. I love my wife and she knows that I’ll always come home to her. She lets me be “me” and I let her be “her”. Loving her is easy, the way it’s meant to be.

I know that this isn’t the way for everyone. It’s ¬†taken me many years and much soul-searching to reach this special place in my life. There are many blogs on this site from people sharing their experiences and I enjoy reading and relating to them. I just know that this feels right for me and we are both the happiest we’ve ever been. I look forward to sharing more in future blogs. Stay tuned!