It’s funny the different stages we go through in our lives. I remember a time when I believed I was the stereo-typical male who thought with his dick and all I wanted was sex, and then more sex. After my first marriage ended I couldn’t wait to get out there and enjoy my new-found freedom and experience as much sex as possible with as many different women as would be agreeable. I soon realized though, that all the sex I was having, as enjoyable as it was, just wasn’t fulfilling me. After all, it’s just sex. Nothing wrong with that, mind you, but I was craving something more.
I had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine recently who had not long ended his marriage of some twenty plus years. He told me that he was more turned on by the prospect of getting to know someone he found interesting than looking at them with a view to having sex with them. That’s not to say that his dick has gone AWOL on him. He wants connection, emotionally and physically and though he’s been propositioned isn’t looking to entertain the idea of sex for it’s own pleasure. I personally found that while I was in a bad marriage where everything was lacking I thought that it was just the sex that I was wanting, only to discover later after the marriage had ended that I was, in fact, wanting so much more.
I’ve enjoyed sex for sex sake both as a single guy and with my wife when we’ve been swinging and while it’s all good fun I can certainly relate to my friend and his desire to form intimate relationships. My wife and I knew that we both wanted more than a conventional monogamous marriage offered and initially decided to test the water at a local swinger’s club. After a few experiences we’ve both come to the conclusion that what we seek is not just sex but emotional and intellectual connection as well. I actually found myself fantasizing about having a romantic dinner and wine with a woman I’d just met the other day as opposed to getting down and dirty between the sheets. Wow! I was having a non-sexual fantasy about a woman. What’s happened to me? Am I no longer a member of the “men’s club”? Maybe I’m evolving as a human being. Perhaps my friend is too. Or maybe more men want intimacy with their partners than we give them credit for.
Abundant Love 